Sorry for not writing any sooner.
I’ve needed the time to accumulate my thoughts and bring coherency to my feelings.
I have graduated from high school.
I will be completing my secondary education by the end of October- signaled by my very last exam this time next month. Is it strange that I still partially remember my high school orientation day when I was just at the end of Year 6. That was the first time I met some of the people who would fill my life for the next 6 years. What a startling thought. And as I recall this memory, I remember the day before the first day of high school when I was contacting my exercise books under the air-conditioner of my living room, I was anxious about changing myself. Presenting to the world a new me. Or rather the real me. I personally believe, given my experience within an education system- that primary school contained much more peer pressure than high school. In retrospect I can see it so inherently that I’m ashamed that even my younger-self couldn’t recognise it. Parents, teachers, mentors etc. tell children that its ok to be unique, to deviate from the majority.
How is it that peer pressure exist then? That we confine ourselves to some prescribed ideology or expectation. When we relinquish ourselves to the majority. I tell you now friend, when you find yourself in such a dark place, think about your future, past the inky cloud that is suffocating you at the present, strain for the open air behind it- it is beckoning to you. Don't hide or cower. I know it is easier said than done- I understand it so, because I too have been there.
It will feel so unnatural even painful at first, but make a habit of exerting Yourself and it will begin to feel so natural.
I recently had an email from Sydney University- the most prestigious university in Australia, probably listed among the big guns of the world- inviting me to an interview for a Combined Law degree I was applying for. I can honestly say I cannot remember what or how I answered the questions they asked- considering it was me vs. three academics, only the fact that I was outside in the waiting room re-reading my prepared answers (that would subsequently not be asked) and of course walking out of that beautiful and eerily intimidating Law faculty, dressed in my mother’s business suit.
Why did I just tell you that? Well it was such a profound moment that I realised the future was dawning. It was blinding my eyes, its rays hitting me right in the face. But really isn’t the future always upon us? Just around the bend of the road, the next foot step, the next thought?
Life is so infinitely mysterious and uncertain. I have recently understood that. I mean really understood that. I used to say it half-heartily, throwing it about and not realising what it meant. Though I am yet to truly understand the magnitude of those words myself. I don’t think I will ever.
I’ll leave you with this serendipitous photo I took on the final day of high school, a few hours before the graduation ceremony. My phone len opened at just this particular moment and this angle to capture this beautiful sunset.
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| A few hours before graduation '14 |
The sun was too bright in the distance, though it was ok to look even though it was painful because it was so beautiful. Gently disappearing was the sun, and even the present moment, which becomes the past.
Definitely more beginning than the end, but nevertheless both.
Love,
M
